Friday, July 19, 2013

Getting Personal

A few months back I got into a Twitter argument with Krisson over the fact that I own guns and am for other peoples rights to choose to own or to not own guns of any kind. The argument ended with him telling me that Id think differently if someone I knew was hurt or killed by a gun. That comment pissed me off. Not because he was, and still is, wrong, but for reasons I couldnt figure out until tonight.

How many people were victims of violent crime in 1999? More specifically, how many people were stabbed to death in 1999? I dont know the answer to either question. Im sure I could look it up, but Im not going to. For me, the only answer that matters is one. My older sister was stabbed to death that year. She was only 17 years old. For a good 5 years I tried to deny she was dead. I kept telling myself and people around me that it was a mistake, it had to be. I hoped for the day that she would walk through the front door and show that I was right. That she was still alive. She wasnt though and she never came through the door to prove me right.

It wasnt simply the loss of her that hurt me the most. I only knew her when I was very young. At some point she moved out to live with other family. I barely got to know her. Up until her death the only things I knew were that I loved her, that she loved me and that Id get to see her again when we were older. Then one day some fucking piece of shit decided to kill her, robbing me of the chance to know my sister. As Ive gotten older, the pain has, in its own way, gotten slowly worse. I dont remeber alot about her anymore. I dont remember how she sounded when she spoke. I dont remember how she looked. The only thing I have left is my love for her.

So, what is it that brought back up these feelings and the things Krisson said to me? Everytime I open up a news page all I see is 'this politician leads memorial for victims of gun violence here' 'that politician leads memorial for victims of gun violence there'. Why? Why are there memorials held around the fucking country for people who are victims of gun violence but none for people like my sister who are stabbed to death? What about the people who are bludgeoned to death? Or how about the people who are killed in hit and run traffic accidents? Where are the politicians to lead memorials for them? Are people who dont die from a gunshot wound so unimportant? My sister was stabbed 9 fucking times. Doesnt she and all the others like her deserve a memorial too? The sheep and the pigs they follow in place of a shepherd say no.

Why is it that all this brought up the anger and hurt I felt towards what he said to me? Because he presumed to know how Id feel. How Id react to someone I love and care about being the victim of a violent crime. Because sheep like him dont stop their fucking baaing long enough to think about what theyre saying and the people that they affect with their words. I dont blame a knife for my sisters death. I blame the hand that held it. I blame the mind that chose to pick it up and use it to end her life. If I were to take him literally, I should believe knives are evil. That knives magically make people kill other people. I should fear knives. But Im not like him or the spineless cowards hes like. I own knives. I was taught how to use them for self defense pourposes.

No one has the right to presume how Id feel about anything. No one has the right to presume how Id react to something. Just like how I dont have the right to presume either of those things about anyone else. My sister is no more and no less important than any other victim of a violent crime in 1999. Today, a victim of a gun crime is no more or less important than a victim of any other violent crime.

In March 1999, my older sister was stabbed 9 times. She died of her wounds not long after. There was no politician to lead her memorial. No one outside her family or the friends she had made care about her passing or the way in which she died.

Gone but never forgotten.


  1. Politicians don't lead memorials for those who die from other causes because it doesn't grab headlines as well. Simple as that.

    And my mother lost her cousin in a massive act of gun violence in which well over 10,000 Americans lost their lives. I believe we call it the Viet Nam War or something like that. Doesn't stop us from keeping a couple guns in the house. But I'm sure Krisson would bleat that wars "are different" or some such nonsense.

  2. Honor to you Natalie... I 100% agree with you on this. I don't think I've read anything that exposes the truth so well in a while.

  3. You are so very right. It takes courage to talk about what happened as you have. For anyone to presume about another persons feelings is an injustice in itself. You have a right to be angry.

    While I have not experienced loss to violent crime, the first love of my life was taken by cancer. I have people coming to the door collecting for cancer research and they are trying to tell me "what would happen if a loved one died from cancer". Often I just start to cry and close the door. I will remember her all my life. Even if I explained in detail my feelings, someone still wouldn't understand. We are each unique, our feelings are our own, as is the love and pain we feel.